Rejoicing in the Lord

Last Wednesday (9/12) was a very emotional day in the life of our family.  We were mourning Brooks because it was the one year anniversary since my 4 month appointment where we found out that I had a miscarriage and lost him.  Providentially, my 4 month appointment for our new baby fell on the same day one year later.  Talk about facing your fears!  We were trying not to get too anxious that this appointment could go the same way.  We prayed that we would trust in the Lord and that we would be able to glorify God, regardless of the outcome of that appointment.

With lots and lots of tears of joy, I am happy to announce that this appointment went much differently than the last one!  We rejoice and praise the Lord that He is redeeming our sad memories with happy ones.  Our  baby's heartbeat was found quickly and he/she had a strong heartbeat of 153 beats per minute.  It was so emotional as we went through the same motions that we did last year that I just couldn't help but cry.  Cry as I thought of Brooks, cry as I thought of our new little baby that is squirming around and alive!  The doctor even asked me "What's wrong? Everything looks good!"  

One of the verses that I have been loving is Psalm 100:5 - "For the LORD is good; his steadfast love endures forever, and his faithfulness to all generations."  As we prepare for the next generation of McDaniels, we can't help but worship our Creator, knowing that His plans are always good, even if we don't understand them at the time.

We planned a visit with my parents that weekend in the hopes to celebrate with them after a good report.  I didn't realize how much I was waiting to get through that appointment before beginning to get excited about this little one!  It was fun to start planning things with my mom.  We watched the new movie "What To Expect When You're Expecting," we threw out ideas for our nursery, and we looked at baby stuff at Target & Once Upon A Child.  My mom plans to throw a baby shower for me in Jacksonville and we were able to start making a list of people to invite. 

Here we are looking at baby shower invitations.  We can't make a final decision on them until we know if our baby is a boy or a girl.  We will be finding this out on October 8!

We finished the day with eating at one of our favorite places in Savannah, Sweet Potatoes.  We had a great time and I think all four of us were able to relax and enjoy the weekend! :)

Coming in February 2013

Yes, it is true!  God has answered our prayers and we are excited to announce that we will be having a baby next year.  We praise the Lord for his faithfulness to us.  What a blessing!

Ironically, I found out that I was pregnant exactly one year later to the day that I found out that I was pregnant with Brooks.  My due date is February 27; Brooks' due date was February 23.  The challenging part is not to fear that we will lose this one also.  I am going through each month just as far along as I was with Brooks, which makes me worried about the month of September since that is when we lost him.  When I begin to fear, I am trying to spend time in prayer knowing that the Lord is in control.  Curtis and I believe that God is redeeming all the sad dates from our loss with happy ones from this new baby.  Please pray with us that our baby would be healthy.  We look forward to finally having an earthly child!

 12 Week Appointment

Final Update on My (Margaret's) Health

I believe this post will be the final update, so I guess you could say this was a trilogy.  If you missed the previous posts, you can find it at the following links: Part 1, Part 2.

The doctors originally said that I would have to wait 6 months before Curtis and I would be able to try to conceive again after the partial molar miscarriage.  Thankfully, the doctor changed it to only 5 months!  I have had 2 final blood drawings since my post in February and I have continued to be "negative" (under 5): 

Date - Count
02/22/12 - less than 0.1

03/19/12 - less than 0.1

Because my pregnancy hormone (HCG) levels remained under the count of 5 for 5 months, the doctor has now  given me the green light to begin trying to conceive.  Praise the Lord!  It seemed like this wait would never end back when we first found out in September.  We appreciate all the prayers as we have had loyal friends and family praying for us during this time period.  Although I am still fearful of having my blood taken, I have definitely found the strength through the Lord.  I clung to Psalm 56 each month - "When I am afraid, I put my trust in you.  In God, whose word I praise, in God I trust.  I shall not be afraid.  What can flesh do to me?" (v. 3-4)

Curtis and I now request your prayers that God would provide us with a healthy baby very soon.  Even though one wait is now over, another wait begins.  We know that God has placed this desire within us to have children.  If you would have asked me even a year ago if I wanted to have children, I would have been cynical about the idea, mainly because of my fears.  Although God does not promise us children anywhere in His word, we have hope that He will give us the desire of our hearts.  "Delight yourself in the LORD, and he will give you the desires of your heart." (Psalm 37:4) 

Pretty Flowers On A Sad Day

As most of you may know from following my blog, February 23rd was the day that Curtis and I planned to have a baby.  It was a difficult and sad day knowing that our lives were not going to be changing. I read a great sermon by George Robertson about miscarriages and that really made me cry, but at the same time, it encouraged me.  We received sweet emails, text messages, and cards from our sweet family and dear friends.  My parents sent beautiful flowers:

 It was nice to have something nice to look at and smell!

Even though the day was hard, we are filled with hope as we know that the Lord has great plans for us.  We pray that those plans include children!

Update on My (Margaret's) Health Part 2

If you've been following my blog, you may remember my post in December about my health since the partial molar miscarriage.  If you didn't, here's a link so you can catch up now.  Things have been progressing just fine as my pregnancy hormone (HCG) count has continued to decrease.  A good sign!

I have had 2 more blood drawings since that post and I have continued to be "negative" (under 5):
Date - Count
12/28/11 - 0.4
01/23/12 - less than 0.1

I am now more than halfway there and I think that this break from trying to conceive has been good for me, especially for my walk with the Lord and for my marriage.  It has been incredibly emotional, but we have continued to cling to God's promises for encouragement during this waiting period.  Curtis and I ask for your prayers as we approach Brooks' original due date on February 23.  We are sure that it will be a day of sadness for us, but also one of hope.

Update on My (Margaret's) Health

As you probably have read through our previous posts, I had a miscarriage back in September.  We had a pathology done on the baby's tissue to find out why our baby died.  Our doctor informed us not only that our baby was a boy, but that I had a partial molar pregnancy, something that occurs in 1 out of 1,000 pregnancies.  The genetic makeup of our baby boy was so abnormal that this type of baby never survives.  It was encouraging to us to find that it wasn't something that I did wrong or that could have been prevented.  We also found out that this isn't a genetic condition so the chances of it occurring a second time are very rare.

There is a slight chance that if the baby's tissue wasn't completely removed during the D and C procedure that I had on 9/16, the tissue could invade my body, similar to a cancer.  It is my understanding that I would then have to have chemotherapy to fix the problem.  In order to monitor this, our doctor has told us that we have to wait 6 months from the time that my pregnancy hormone levels reaches a negative count of 5 or less.  This also means that we are unable to try to conceive another baby until this testwork is completed.  As you could imagine, it was very difficult to swallow all the information that we heard.  Six months seemed like an eternity to wait.  Not to mention, I would have to continually go back to the doctor to have my blood drawn.  And if anyone knows me well, I have a serious fear of needles/blood/medical stuff.

This is probably more information than most would like to know, but I'm going to include this for anyone who comes across my blog that may be going through the same thing and would like the details.

Found out I had a miscarriage on 9/14
D and C performed on 9/16
Here are my blood results:
Date - Count
10/10 - 17.8
10/24 - 5.9 (so close!!)
10/31 - 4.1 Praise The Lord - 6 months from now

Now that I have reached "negative," I have to wait 6 months before we can try to have another baby again.  I had my first monthly appointment on 11/28 (count of 1.2).  My next appointment will not be until after Christmas - probably around December 28 or 29.

During this time, we are praying that God would knit together a healthy baby once we do start trying again.  We are finding ourselves encouraged by the Bible - 2 Samuel 12:23, Psalm 56, Psalm 139:15-16, Psalm 147:3-5, Lamentations 3 (especially verses 31 - 33), Isaiah 40-41, Isaiah 43, Isaiah 51, Romans 8:28, 2 Corinthians 1:3-11, to name a few.  Please continue to pray with us as we wait on God's timing.

In Memory of Brooks

We wanted to have something that would remind us of our first son - John "Brooks" McDaniel.  So, I purchased blue cardstock and an 8x10 picture frame.  We put his name, his 9 week ultrasound, and one of our favorite verses on the cardstock. 

The verse that we chose is from the hymn "O Love That Will Not Let Me Go."  Here are the lines:

O Joy that seekest me through pain,

I cannot close my heart to thee;

I trace the rainbow through the rain,

And feel the promise is not vain,

That morn shall tearless be.

If you would like to hear a sample of this song, click here.

Here is the final product: 

We put it on the wall along with all the other pictures in the Dining Room:

We are hoping that one day we will be able to put up more pictures of future children.

Beautiful Flowers

Some of our sweet friends and family sent us flowers right after we found out about the loss of our baby.  They really made our house smell nice!  Here are some pictures that I took before they died:

These flowers were given to us by Miguel & Laura Amador.

These flowers were given to us by Allen & Heather Akins.

Close-up

These flowers were given to us by Curtis' family - his parents and his two sisters, Megan & Heather.

Thanks for thinking of us during this difficult time!

Sermon After Miscarriage

Some of you have asked about wanting to hear the sermon that Curtis preached only 4 days after we found out that our baby boy (John "Brooks" McDaniel) had died.  I just uploaded it to his site on Sermon Cloud - it is approximately 28 minutes long and is entitled "Reflections on the God of Comfort" from 2 Corinthians 1:3-11.

There are two ways that you can get to it -
1. You can click the link on this page entitled "Curtis' Sermons" or
2. You can click here.

Once you get to the site, you can either click the headphones icon to stream his sermon or you can click the arrow icon to download.

It was a difficult sermon for me to hear, but I think it helped Curtis to work through some of his grief.

Whate'er My God Ordains Is Right

Last Wednesday, Curtis and I went to our third OB appointment to check on Baby McD.  Thinking that I had now surpassed the first trimester, I found myself more calm about this appointment than I had been at the previous two.  When they searched for the baby's heartbeat with the doppler device, I was told that she was not able to find a consistent heartbeat and she would have another woman come to check.  I tried to think positively during the 30-minute waiting period, but we couldn't help but start to think that perhaps something was wrong.  One of the RUF hymns that Curtis and I sang often in college - "Whate'er My God Ordains Is Right" came to mind during this time:

1. Whate’er my God ordains is right,
Holy His will abideth.
I will be still whate’er He does,
And follow where He guideth.
He is my God,
Though dark my road.
He holds me that I shall not fall
Wherefore to Him I leave it all

2. Whate’er my God ordains is right,
He never will deceive me
He leads me by the proper path,
I know He will not leave me
I take, content,
What He hath sent
His hand can turn my griefs away
And patiently I wait His day

3. Whate’er my God ordains is right,
Though now this cup in drinking
May bitter seem to my faint heart,
I take it all unshrinking
My God is true,
Each morn anew
Sweet comfort yet shall fill my heart
And pain and sorrow shall depart

4. Whate’er my God ordains is right,
Here shall my stand be taken
Though sorrow, need, or death be mine,
Yet I am not forsaken
My Father’s care
Is round me there
He holds me that I shall not fall
And so to Him I leave it all

If you wanted to hear a portion of this song (verses 1 & 4), you can find here.  I knew that whatever happened, God was still in control.  If there was a problem, we would walk through this trial knowing that the Lord would carry us through it.  The Lord has always been faithful in various trials that Curtis and I have both gone through individually and as a couple, so we had that confidence.

Unfortunately, we found that the baby had passed away when they performed an impromptu-ultrasound.  I had to have surgery (D&C) to remove the baby's remains on Friday.

It has been a very hard week as we have had to come to grips with the reality that we will not be having a baby in February.  We didn't realize that we could love someone that we've never met as much as we loved this baby!  We prayed often that this baby would never know a day without the Lord, so we hope that one day we will get to meet him or her when we arrive in heaven.  At this time, we are in need of prayer as we mourn the loss of our little one.